For the past several evenings, I have found myself waking up around 3/3:30am. Most nights it is almost exactly 3am. Wide awake and very aware. Often unable to fall back asleep for at least an hour - an hour and a half. Restless.
Upon going to bed most of these nights, I have been restlessly awake for nearly an hour.
I think my mind is racing but I can't seem to keep up with it or work through whatever issues that may be keeping me up at night.
I'm anxious about the new space.
I'm worried I won't get enough rest this summer. And am therefore not getting enough rest now because I am worried.
I'm feeling creatively uninspired. Maybe because I'm feeling stressed and lacking rest.
Everything is happening. And I'm staying amazingly on top of it so far. But fear that I'll lose that grip soon.
I have strong feelings for someone that I'm not sure what to do with.
I want to sleep with my window open and not hear sirens, loud music, or (worst of all) cat sex.
I need to cleanse my sleeping space.
I need to work my body tired.
I feel scared and emotional and foolish for making myself feel those things when I have so much good to be grateful for.....
I'm not sure how best to take care of myself right now.
2 comments:
Take some time out. Go to the woods. Give time for yourself to drift and be in between sleep, to not have anything to do, dream-space. trust your own inner feelings and whatever their messages are, are important. your body knows so much.
<3
One of my favorite professors had a metaphor for worrying that I still think about: She said the problem that you worry about is like when you squeeze your hand into a fist so tight your nails bite into your palm--and the worrying is like using your other hand to squeeze the fist even tighter. And she also said "All's well that ends well, and if it doesn't end well, it's not the end." You're in tune enough with yourself to come out of this time that much awesomer <3
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